smug marrieds

Friday Diary: The conversational marriage-breaker by daintydora

It's always the little things that cause the biggest upset, don't you find?

The tiny, stupid, seemingly insignificant nothings that really shouldn't need to be anythings. But they end up being the big things. They re-occur and twist into something that feels substantial and significant, masquerading as petty squabbles but really they're the conversational marriage-breakers. You ask a simple question and get a circumnavigated-obfuscation in response.

Does this sound familiar?

Me: "Have you used my shampoo?" (This is a leading question, a challenge I suppose, because the shampoo in question has taken years to find - one that suits my hair, doesn't aggravate my scalp and just happens to cost 8 times the amount of a 'normal' shampoo, that we've had many a conversation about before and that once resulted in me not being able to wash my hair at all.)

Husband: "No!"

Me: "Oh, OK then."

Husband: "I mean, why would I? And what would make you think I'd used it?" [guilty, slightly panicky look]

Me: "Well, just that it's not where I usually leave it, it's upside down, nearly empty, and the lid isn't closed properly. Nothing much, really. Why?"

Husband: "Well I didn't know!"

Me: "Didn't know what?" [flat tone accompanied by razor-edged-rage-stare]

Husband: "What's the question again?" [slight guilty smirk breaking into laughter]

Me: [Silent, watching the answer reveal itself]

Husband: "Well it's not like I've used it everyday. I might have used it once or twice... What's the big deal?" [garbled, rapid speech that confirms all suspicions]

Me: [Silent rage-stare]


The simple answer to the simple question then was 'yes'.

Why can no-one just answer the ******* question?!

I know it's just shampoo (swap for any other seemingly minute irritation.) But is it? Is it?

Happy weekend and hair-washing to all smug-marrieds.


PS. If my husband is reading this - still love ya really [strained, high-pitched fake-laugh...] Grrr.